Why are so many of us so concerned about cheating? What is cheating anyway? Perhaps we are somewhat complicit and even more at fault than we realize. A brief Webster’s dictionary definition of cheating is: to swindle, to defraud or to be dishonest.
Is an intimate partner in an ongoing relationship with you purposely and maliciously swindling you if he or she chooses to get unmet needs (emotional and physical) met in the arms of another willing partner? Is your intimate partner purposely defrauding you when he or she lies about whereabouts and activities when not with you?
Some people in relationships hold extremely tight reigns on the person they supposedly love. They might truly believe that their partner “belongs to them” and must be loyal and connected first and foremost and only to them. The partner of a person with such strong dependency needs can feel smothered, stifled and emotionally and physically handcuffed. This unsuspecting partner can feel as if he or she is in a living prison and may not know how to escape. Then some attractive person pays attention, listens with open arms and an open heart. This person may end up cheating.
Many people in relationships tend to ignore their partner’s subtle requests until the partner either makes it blatantly clear by becoming silent, enraged, screaming, or even resorting to physical violence. People reach out to their partner for specific reasons and to get certain needs met, e.g., affection, a listening ear, assistance with a task or problem, financial assistance, understanding, advice, privacy, or time and space just to be alone with their own thoughts and activities.
Okay, you are probably thinking, sure there are people who stifle their partner or ignore their partner’s requests, actually almost pushing their partners into someone else’s arms. But aren’t there some people who purposely and deviously cheat, even when their partner is loving, understanding and allows them all the space they want?
This is where intimacy enters the picture. In an intimate love relationship, you are continually learning about your partner. You ask questions about their life. You are concerned about the issues that affect them. You know something about their early childhood upbringing and the ways they might have learned to deal with relationships and cope with stress.
Intimate relationships are not magical fairytales. In those beginning days and weeks of “limerance,” when your hormones are flowing and both of you can do no wrong, let that be a memory to fall back on when the fairytale falters and you are both facing a real, live human being, one with good qualities, unproductive qualities, and downright destructive personality traits.
Cheating can often be prevented. Cheating and its consequences can also often be overcome with a lot of communication, soul searching and re-commitment to creating the love you once believed in. Are you up to the task?
Tags: Affairs, Anxiety and Stress, Cheating, Desire and Passion, love, Relationship Counseling Boca Raton
